Well you know it was 15 years ago and It wasn't really that long ago. So. But. Its still so much has happened since then. And, you know. I was 11 years old and. So. It's been a really long time but (imperceptible) Just wanted... I made a promise.
Living in some of the Southern states, Its very vulnerable. Living at the tender age of eleven and to live with several of your uncles and aunts and your mother and father and a few other people. And to travel half way across the country to audition for the lead role - and for several other roles - in the movie 'War Games'. Uhm. And you know to go all that way and out of your way and that kind of - uhh - big journey.
To be told at the tender age of eleven that you're not good enough, that you'll never make it, that you don't have what it takes. Thats the most -one of the most- absolutely heart-wrenching most gut-tearing most guttural feelings I've ever felt in the world. And I mean I was successful. I finished university and I had a job with a very prestigious company. And I just couldn't take it anymore.
And - uh - I really loved the movie war games and I just always wanted to be a part of it. And to be torn down like that at eleven years of age, and 15 years later to still feel that pain. To still feel that this - uhmm - unaccepted-ness and - uh...
So this is what I do to cope. This is the only way I can cope. And I want to apologize for anyone who's here tonight to see me. It's - I'm very sorry It's - this is all i can do, so. I wanna say. This song that we wrote - uhm - two years ago we wrote this song.
This song is called: As Fuck.
If I could just add something on:
It's taken a long time to come up with that. To come up and say that. Cause at eleven years old and I didn't get that part. I wanted so bad to be a part of the movie 'War Games.' And it's torn my life apart. And I looked for ways out, I looked for many ways out but there is nothing more than this. This is all I have...
Who was that woman that?.. Wait remember that woman?... Who told me I would never be good enough.